Over the last several months I have been silent and MIA on
many of my pages. The reason for this is I have been going through an extreme amount
of change in my life.
My health care, and running has been up in the air since the
start of the year which put me in a very difficult place emotionally and
mentally. At points I had almost given up my new mission “Bad Bones for Boston”
even before it started. I have to thank my family, friends, and rheum mates for
getting me through some very physically painful, emotionally harrowing, and
mentally depressing months. I am now thanks to the love of many people ready to
step out and share what this year has been and show you the road map I have for
the coming 18 months.
I am sorry for not
posting race recaps for January’s first marathon during the Goofy Challenge, or
February’s Glass Slipper Challenge. The marathon for me was an extremely
amazing experience. It gave me the belief in myself that I could qualify for Boston.
I ran both the half and the full here bellow paces I was capable of due to
myositis in my feet. My finish in the marathon I cried of sheer joy for I had
finished a race I had coveted for 7+ years. No matter how ugly that face looked
it was joy as the tears streamed down my face. I finished both strong and left
Disney happy, confident, and ready to announce my campaign for a Boston
Qualifier. February’s races were an entirely different story that started the
downward vortex from the strings that had already started to unravel with my
conditions. I went to Disney proud that I had raised over $1000 for Children’s
Miracle Network, excited to wear a shirt with the names of children who had
arthritis like my own on it. Over the months leading into the Glass Slipper
challenge I had fought hip pain, hip bursitis, and myositis. I ran my 10k
faster than the year before but comfortable. The following day however disaster
struck and my spirit was crushed. By mile 4 of the half I knew the entire race
was going to be a suffer fest for me. By mile 8 I knew my finish time was going
to be my worst ever. By mile 12.5 I knew I was going to go down at the finish.
It took all I had to continue running and get across the line. When I went to
switch to a walk my body did what I expected and my right hip folded out from
under me at which point I screamed in agony. I had given everything I had and
finished that race in tears of agony. Sometimes finishing our hardest races are
the ones we are the most proud of. Although I still cry when remembering this
agonizing finish I am also proud that I had the ability to push through pain
that was agonizing for the children I was representing.
Spring came and I hoped to finish out my spring running season with another marathon and a series of races in 5ks, 10ks, and half marathons. This was not to happen. My runs became increasingly more painful and impossible to complete. A hip bursa sack injection was ordered. I pulled myself down from running, but each attempt to come back became worse. I eventually could not even walk without agony. X-rays, and then an MRI was ordered. What was found was a tear in my Hip Labrum. I was sent to a high ranking Orthopedic Clinic, and there they told me this was caused by enthesitis (inflamed tendons) which in turn was caused by my condition. I was ordered into physical therapy, for a CT scan to assess my bone damage from this assault, and to have a cortisone injection in my hip socket.
During this time I hit absolutely rock bottom, and the
doctor who had been taking care of my disease for the entire duration (10
years) put the final nail into my proverbial unhappy coffin when he told me to
quit running. My heart was shattered. Here was the doctor who had rallied me
for years telling me I was strong enough to finish my century ride, that he
would help me get to Boston while injecting my hip bursa full of cortisone, and
who had started me on step up therapy when many other doctors would have
probably told me I had nothing wrong with me turning his back on me and ripping
out the core of my being. I had to make the toughest decision with my disease
and fully walk away from this doctor. I did not know where I was going to go
but I was hurt and insulted. I left the office in tears.
I do want to say although my break up with my old
rheumatologist was ugly I am thankful for everything he has given me. He has
saved my bones in the face of a slowly progressing now aggressive monster
inside me. He treated me early when many less researched doctors would not
have. He diagnosed one of the rarest forms of arthritis in me one many do not
know exist. He believed in me when I started my racing. I truly believe he
still does believe in me my case and my dreams just got too big for him or his
practice to handle. I am thankful for the 10 years he helped me fight though
because without him I would not be running at all.
Summer came and it brought with it the hardest uphill battle
I’ve ever had to get back to running. I started physical therapy in June with a
wonderful therapist who finds me to be a pesky crazy runner, but I believe will
be a friend for life. In July on the 4th I declared my independence
from this disease and started the long uphill back to running. This come back
is my slowest, hardest, and most painful. This comeback is during an active
disease state something I have not had to do before.
In July I also started with a new rheumatology team who is gathering all the records from the many doctors who have been seeing snippets of my diseases. They have advised me changes are coming my disease is not where it should be despite clean radiographs and bloodwork it is active. There were actually 5 doctors advising me that my condition was not where it needed to be when I made my very unhappy break from my old rheumatologist. My husband is the one who found my new rheumatology practice when I was too hurt and upset to even look. He took the time to read countless reviews to find a private research practice that could handle my case. I am thankful he believed in me when I could not believe in myself.
Now that I am slowly coming back to running my heart is at
peace. I can see the long hard dirty road ahead. I can see the horizon I want
to shoot for. My dreams of qualifying for Boston are still there. I’ve decided
to go ahead with my plans and I’ve started “Bad Bones for Boston”. Through this
campaign I will blog, vlog, post on my facebook page for awareness both my
glories and my agonies. I will attempt to raise $5000 for arthritis research
through the Racing for a Cure team. Starting in January I will return to Disney
to run the Marathon, which I will use to adjust my training towards obtaining a
Boston Qualifying finish. During the 18 months following this race I will run
another 5 marathons for a total of 6 to try to obtain this goal. My hope is
that through sharing my experience I will be able to inspire others to live big
lives in the face of adversity.
Angry Bones
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