2015 was one of my most difficult years both physically and
emotionally. The last 6 weeks of 2015 brought a lot of hope, but also continued
its onslaught of swift kicks in the proverbial pants. This is why New Year’s
Eve we chose to pull me from the WDW Marathon run today January 10th.
We realized despite amazing training runs my body’s broken
immune system is behaving too erratically for me to ensure a safe high mileage
high stress run even with no time goals. Ultimately running the distance of
26.2 miles is a grueling feet for even healthy athletes, but my body is not
that.
Strong miles are not enough to enter into a marathon and ensure no
injuries sometimes how your body is behaving is more important than all
the training in the world when it comes to a final decision. The is fact that
in 3 months I have contracted three sinus infections each one more aggressive than
the last, and flared twice with an expectation for a third flare. This 3rd
one came to fruition this weekend the weekend of the marathon. I currently have
enthesitis of my tendons in my Achilles, and IT band/fascia due to a push back
on my remicade infusion by almost 2 weeks. This is why I chose to not push my body further at
this time.
The WDW marathon would have meant two airplane rides for me,
and a lot of stress associated with travel. Stress is a notorious problem for
people with autoimmune disease. Considering my situation is my diseases are
active, and my immune system is depressed the stress of the travel alone could
send my system that is already in over drive off the proverbial cliff. Travel
also puts my very depressed immune system at risk to catch yet another
infection, and right now it is uncertain if the antibiotic I was on will be
enough this round, which could cause and additional push back of the medication
that controls my disease. This is why though I desperately want to at least
travel to WDW I decided against it, that and the temptation to race would have been
very great for me although we know my health is not there.
I want to make clear that this decision has nothing to do
with my performance, or training as a runner. All of that was there. I had quality
miles even in flare. I completed many runs over 10 miles, a 13, and a 19. Had I
not made the cut I would have run another 15 last weekend as well. My times
were not where they were before my hip went out but they are steadily coming
down. I had no time goals other than a minor PR which would have been easy
cakes for me and I could have completed in my current state. I was actually
pleased to see times dropping and endurance rising rapidly in my current
training. My strength is also gaining. My system was handling mileage very
well, but that is not enough. In order to preserve the gains that are starting
to come rapidly rather than push myself into the ground again I had to make a
decision of the greater want for a Boston Qualifying time than a single marathon.
One long high stress race with a body going through what mine is going through
could derail the entire train setting me back months, potentially pulling me
from running again for a period of time.
Ultimately a difficult decision had to be made regarding my
overall health. The question became do I run this marathon at the end of an
antibiotic round that may not work, and most likely while flaring? The result
of doing this is simple a 4th even more aggressive infection is
likely which would send me to the hospital since this 3rd one was
rapidly working in and making aim towards my lower respiratory tract. The high
inflammation could have meant injuring my bad hip further ultimately sidelining
my big goal to qualify for the Boston Marathon in 2016. I could have pushed a
flare into over drive that could have pulled me down for weeks. Ultimately my
risks from travel and the race in my current state were too high, I'd gain nothing
by running this run other than a beautiful piece of bling and a notch on my
belt. My purpose at WDW was to run a strong healthy run, and running it meant I
would have run an unhealthy run. This defeats my purpose of a build towards a marathon
for time in May if I knock myself down now.
What does this mean for my running? Simple I pulled back
because I have been sick but I’m still training. I put in a 4 and 6 miler back to back this
weekend. Next week I will begin speed work for the first time since going down
last winter to push my times back to where they were before my disease set me
back. I will continue to train because I will run the Glass Slipper Challenge
in February. This race set is the one that took me down last year but I know
that this year my focus is on strong healthy miles, and the decisions I am
making now will ensure those miles are strong and healthy. After February I
will do a quick pull back and build again to May 1st’s Flying Pig
Marathon. This marathon I should be ready to run strong and fast. My focus
right now is on quality miles and strength so in the summer I can focus on pulling
times down. In other words this very difficult decision that brought many tears
means I am ensuring a healthy training, racing, and running season rather than
cutting it short. It means the potential to be strong enough to make it through
the most grueling running training I’ve ever had to harness a dream that burns
bright in my heart a Boston Qualifier. It means I put myself first despite how
much it hurt and did the right thing.
Many tears have been
spent this week as I watched my friends travel and complete their respected
races. I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have had that come back
race. But my runs this weekend with high inflammation tell me the decision I
made was the right one. My times were great but not one mile was run without
pain. I have visible swelling, but the running I did wasn’t enough to push me
back. A marathon would have been too much right now. I am proud of every one of
my friends who raced, and particularly proud of those who reached firsts: first
marathon, first half, first run with arthritis, first race, etc. I’m even more
proud of the team that raised funds for Arthritis Research. Many of those
firsts, and part of that fundraising was because of my story and my encouraging
others through their goals. I feel truly blessed to have been a part of that even
from afar. This decision also made me very aware of how loved I am, and how far
the story of a runner racing in the face of adversity goes. Often we don’t realize
how many are rooting for us or how many our lives have the ability to touch. So though this difficult decision broke my
heart it was the right one and it brought me something far greater than I ever
imagined; the realization of how amazing the people in my life really are. I
wouldn’t trade 26.2 in my favorite place for that blessing or the chance I’ve
given myself to really go after my biggest running dream.
Captain Angry Bones
